To my dismay i find myself wandering off again, zooning out more often than i should. Its this relationship that's been bothering me non-stop every now and then; well i made it to myself that it shouldn't bother me that much. because it would crash all the system in my head. Well anyways, what the hell's bothering me? Well you see, i believe that a woman's hunch is more reliable than any other thing for a woman, especially it that person actually have proven its power.  What bother's me is this guy. I dont get him at all. He calls himself my boyfriend but he does nothing at all to show that he is. He's very questionable i tell you. Even the friends that i seek advice from think he's like abstract, ang labo niya.

What makes me say this? if you put on account everything that he did with our two months of nothingness, you'd probably say to him, "What the hell's the matter with you?!" My biggest problem with him is his prescence. In two month, if you may ask how many times did we actually see each other?uhmmm let me see, three times? let me elaborate those three times since we got together. First meeting since the day we got together was days after. I had loads of work to finish by that day and had two breaks. We agreed to meet up on my second break which was two hours, so i thought I'd kill my time finishing everything before that so i could relaxingly spend my whole two hours with him, i even skipped my break just to finish everything and what do i get? Here he is in our fisrt full hour discussing his work to me and if im interested to join (he's in networking) and that took me by suprise, really. It was unbearable listening to him, its not that im not interested with what he's saying but... ghad the poor girl in love was swept away by shock of her boyfriend being so dumb and insensitive with SIMPLE things a girl want in their scarce time together of her boyfriend. So i was expecting that he'd be more submissive in the next hour, but no, he took me by suprise again. He had to watch his friend's show that hour so he gotta go. DAMN that made my blood hit above normal. Then there's this second time. It's natural for boyrfriends to want to fetch their girlfriends at school (especially if the two of you are from the same school) and bring her home to spend even the slightest time with her or even just to see her, but my beloved boyfriend in question is somewhat the opposite. i dont know if he's just being thrifty if that's actually an issue, but that day he asked me what time my class would end and so i told him, in turn i asked him too. It was obvious then that  he could fetch me that day coz its only an hour after his dismissal  with mine  and  i was  expecting he could've offered... but no he wouldn't even if my eyes popped out in fron of him all clean and white. And so i went to make the move and asked him. tssssssssssssssssssk what a good boyfriend. The third was when he had this tournament near my place, so i wanted to see him and went there with my friend without informing him that i'd come. It wasn't my intention to meet him, i just wanted tosee him but fate  made us cross path's but  it was an unlikely meeting... its embarassing on both parts and i dont wanna talk about it anymore.

Another reason for this very uncomfortable situation is his commitment to his team. He's a varsity player in our university and he's a scholar because of that, which is
a big help to his family's financial struggles. I'm 200% okay with this, i mean i completely undertand that he should have time for training and cannot be disturbed. Okay fine, no problem, i need my own space too. What BUGS me greatly is that he only proritizes is his game. He's strict with time whenever its about his sport, he goes wherever part of the world without a doubt with his sport, and basically he's willing to do anything for his sport, but when it comes to me its like he has to think about it first before considering the appointment. I even tried to schedule a day off within two months and yet he still couldn't find any space for me.

I'm very sad, very very sad. Makes me wonder WHY are all of this happening? A lot of questions and doubts echo in my head like a broken track. All of his actions makes me feel like i'm only being played at, laughed at my back, being fooled. But then again i can't stop hoping that all of this are only in my head, that none of this was true. What am i to him? a sidetrack? a laughing stack? something to amuse him? someone to present as a girlfriend but means nothing more than a big facade?

Many times i tried to tell him what i want, what i feel, what i think. But those efforts were just put to waste. He kept telling me that he's hoping i'd understand him, but what more could i favor to him? May i ask if he even care for my well-being? my head's always on a debate when it comes to him. I honestly have feelings for him, but why does he do this to me?what fault did i do to deserve such treatment?

Bottom line is, he doesn't have the initiative. He says he's shy with me and could pull his guts to sum up the courage to spend time with me... what is his problem, i'm his girlfriend after all?!