Couldn't i be bothered by anything else other than relationship problems? I know, but there's nothing more complex than people's relationships, how they work, how they build up and how they break-up. Its funny to think that if you'll analyze different situations it all seem the same, but its not, ironic isn't it? Depending on how each person felt made all the difference, and that what made it interesting.

I know myself better than anyone else, that's because im no more honest to myself than to anybody alive. I'm a selfish being, and i know that im not the first i guess. Its just that, one thing bugs me... i dont know if its jealousy or insecurity, but i feel really weird. I'm just an average type of girl with looks you wouldn't notice even if anything embarassing like tripping in front of a crowd. I always seem to attract beautiful friends though, they have this angel like features that can intimidate average beings like me alot. Honestly i enjoy these creatures company, but when the time comes that there's an unannounced competition, i really feel down and unmatched. It's annoying you know, and i get irritated easily. I'm a bad bad evil person at times like these, and i shouldn't be proud of it. My mind's like poison, i always neutral myself so i could jump from one judgement to another minding if i were wrong. And so i am a safe player, a coward that is...tsk. And that's why i'm writing about this.

I always looked up to people gifted with this striking appearance that could melt stone hard insides, and i wanted to become something like them too, only with my own identity but i couldn't seem to be consistent. I care about what people say too much, it sucks. I'm actually torn between uncertainty and friendship. Its just that, this friend of mine whom i am with most of the time had become attached to me at some point and somehow i've thought about him more often that i should. I've been calling him up for help, advice, companionship, etc. and thankful as i am, he was always there. I'm afraid to think that this might develop into something more than a brotherly affection since i think of him as an older brother taking care of a younger sister. I'm fully aware that he had his eyes on someone else, though he'd been rejected, Im not dumb not to know that he's still waiting for a sign, or more likely a chance and taking his stance slowly back to that else's ground. But i couldn't deny that i once thought, why couldn't he just.... love me instead?

but then again, what am i compared to the girl he loved? NOTHING. so, i shouldn't be foolish and think nonsense... besides, he wouldn't be happy with someone like me, no, cause he desreves to be happy, and with me, there's not much laughter, but mostly sadness and melancholy...