so many days have i kept things to myself, and now i'm overflowing with so much anger and depression. A hint of happiness isn't always good, it sometimes, or mabye most of the time coveys a bad occurence after,and that is true for what i know.

for some time cristian and i were on somewhat good terms, we weren't arguing, nor do we sweet talk, just in between. I've noticed that whenever i see him and finally talk to him in person, its like an addiction, all of my worries and rants vanishes and all i know is that he's here with me and i'm happy, but at the same time sad. Why? 'cause its a fact that this wouldn't last as long as i wanted it to, he'll leave me as soon as the train reaches our goal. Then last saturday we kinda argued about something i dunno about exactly, all i know is that i'm somewhat guilty because its my fault we weren't able to go out that one possible day. What's the big deal you say? one is that its the only time of the week he is free for the whole day, second our monthsary was coming up monday and i totally slipped it off my calendar...my fault. Well you couldn't blame me, we hadn't celebrated any ever since we got together, how would i expect now?? okay so i tried to make it up to him, tried to find some possible meeting so that i could be with him for at least;

while we couldn't decide on anything yet, i hinted that he's not conversing the way he used to be with me... not that it has that much difference, but i know there's  something, so i asked him if everything is all right? kung galit ba siya? he said "ewan, kung tatawa ba ako o maaasar..."  i really didn't  know what was he talking about but then again, i just said sorry to him. What came next was so unexpected. He asked me if i wanted to start all over again, restart our relationship and begin fresh. He said he had given a bit of thought on those things i told him about before, thank God, and he wanted to start again...from the start.

In the shallow view of things, you might just consider this like 'ooohh he's so sweeeet...' but, doesn't this also sound like he's breaking up? so i asked him if that's what he meant. And gladly he said that we wont break up its just that he realized his irresponsibility and wanted to court me again even though we're already together. Nice, but why did he have to tell me?? He should've had jus done it didn't he?? The good news that was just sprouting in my ears suddenly withered when he said, "...paliligayahin kta pg naisip ko na kung pano," WHAT THE HECK?! is he mad??? is he insane!??!?! GUYS could you give me an opinion in this behaviour?!?!am i just overreacting or is he sooo St**id!!! arrrghhh.... haaaay,

I kept my head cool and thought of something else instead of frustrating myself with his annoying stupidity... I asked him if i could just go with him on the train to manila, at least that time alone could somehow fix the damage and time lost, but guess what he said to me? ..."wag ka na lang pumunta, mejo makakaabala ka eh," IS THIS GUY INSENSITIVE OR WHAT?! how rude, even though i have small faults do i have deserve this kind of treatment? :((  I couldn't answer at all, so i left it at that.

Am i doing the right thing by giving him a chance and some time to prove his worth to me?even though he's obviously killing me with the way he acts??? Or is it time for me to give judgement and move on? uuuuurrghh.......